Wedding Vows the Second Time Around

Consulting

Wedding Vows the Second Time Around

///
Source

Some couples who have been married before look for a tasteful way to incorporate this fact into a new ceremony. Whether one or both members of a couple have been married before, integrating the past in the context of how it has prepared the couple for a new commitment is not only appropriate for some couples, it can also be very meaningful.

If you find yourself among this group, consider the following passages as templates for creating your own statements on what marrying again means to you. When both you and your fiancé have had previous marriages, the following could apply:

“To be marrying again is different than simply to be marrying. And so, bride and groom, as you re-enter the state of matrimony, you may be tempted to look at this marriage as separate and completely unrelated to all of the relationships that have preceded it. Rather, this marriage is the culmination of the choices you have made and the lessons you have learned that shape you into the person you are, ready to make this new commitment of love. In this relationship, you have found someone with whom you can do all the precious things you have left to do. Be thankful, for you have been delivered to your final partner -- the person with whom you can share the fruits of all the lessons in your life. This is one of life’s unexpected miracles; this is your good fortune!”

The following applies when only one of you has been married before and the other has not. It is important to highlight how both situations -- different in their paths -- have led to a positive outcome. It puts you both on equal footing where the explanation of your separate backgrounds is treated the same:

“To be marrying again is different than simply to be marrying. And so, bride or groom, as you re-enter the state of matrimony, you may be tempted to look at this marriage as separate and completely unrelated to all of the relationships that have preceded it. Rather, this marriage is the culmination of the choices you have made and the lessons you have learned that shape you into the person you are; ready to make this new commitment of love. (Turn to the unmarried partner and say) Although, bride or groom, this is your first marriage, it is also the culmination of the choices you have made and the lessons you have learned that shape you into the person you are; ready to make this new commitment of love. Both of you have someone with whom you can do all the precious things you have left to do. Be thankful, for you have been delivered to your final partner -- the person with whom you can share the fruits of all the lessons in your life. This is one of life’s unexpected miracles; this is your good fortune!”

While this approach may seem unorthodox, I can say, from my own experiences, that the feedback I’ve received has been very positive. People appreciate the honesty and candor of these statements. However, if your wedding is the first time that your family or guests may be hearing that one of you was previously married, such honestly may be out of place. I would advise against publicly discussing your past before broaching the subject with those people who may be caught off guard.