RSVPs: How to Handle Challenging Responses

Receiving response cards from your wedding invitation can be one of the most exciting moments leading up to your special day. A best friend writes, “I can’t wait to see your radiant smile as you walk down the aisle.” An aunt says, “We love you both so much and are looking forward to your fabulous wedding!” A mother’s best friend exclaims: “This is the most exquisite invitation I have ever seen!”

Among all the wonderful responses, however, there are a few that can be challenging. Discover the best ways to handle the top troublesome response situations that brides and grooms face.

1. The Added-On Guest
You can do everything right and still have guests respond that more people will be attending than those that were listed on the invitation. If the guest in question is married, engaged, or co-habitating with someone, their significant other should have been invited. But if a guest just wants to bring a date or mistakenly assumed that their kids were invited, you're under no obligation to comply. If you want to avoid any possible push back, blame the venue for limiting your guest count. “We received your response and are thrilled that you'll be able to attend our wedding! We wish we could accommodate the guest/children you added, but our event site is strict about how may people we can have. We know you will see lots familiar faces at our wedding, as we are inviting our closest circle of family and friends. We look forward to seeing you on our special day!”

2. Late Responses
If it is a week or two after your response date, phone the guests. Explain your concern that the response, or even the invitation, was lost in the mail, or delayed. If you have a long list of missing responses, recruit your mom and your bridesmaids to help make the calls, and keep calling until you get all the responses you need. What to do if a guest who never responded shows up a your event? Smile and hand them off to your coordinator, catering director, or mom, and cease to worry about it -- it's out of your hands.

3. Declined Responses
With the range in guests’ age, health, and finances, along with family and friends spread out all over the world, you are bound to receive the occasional regret. Hopefully, the guest responded in writing, or with a phone call explaining why they were not able to attend the wedding. Although you may feel sad or resentful, do not press the issue. The reason may be something the individual is not willing to discuss, such as a declining health issue or a recent financial loss.

Just remember: Whatever the guests’ response, keep your responses simple, honest, and courteous so that you can enjoy the planning of your special day, without regret.