A Guide to Chinese Wedding Customs

These traditions are not just rituals; they are a testament to the values of respect, loyalty, and family that are deeply ingrained in Chinese culture. In this article, we will delve into the history and significance of Chinese wedding traditions, exploring the customs and rituals that make up this joyous and festive occasion.

History and Significance of Chinese Wedding Traditions

Chinese wedding traditions have a long and storied history, with roots dating back to the Han Dynasty (206 BCE - 220 CE). During this time, marriage was considered a sacred institution, and the wedding ceremony was a grand affair involving elaborate rituals and ceremonies. These early traditions laid the foundation for many of the customs still observed in modern Chinese weddings.

Over the centuries, Chinese wedding traditions have evolved and adapted to changing social and cultural norms; however, the core values of respect, loyalty, and family remain at the heart of every Chinese wedding. The rituals and ceremonies are designed to honor the couple’s ancestors, seek blessings for a prosperous and harmonious marriage, and celebrate the union of two families. 

What to Wear to Chinese Weddings

Read expert tips from Grace Pei of JINZA – a Los Angeles boutique designing and handcrafting ready-to-wear and bespoke traditional Chinese wedding dress, Qipao, and Tang suit designs – on what brides, grooms, and their guests should wear to a Chinese wedding.

What should the bride and groom wear to a Chinese wedding ceremony?

For the bride's attire – if their families are from Hong Kong originally – a lot of brides will choose Chinese wedding dress, Qun Kwa (裙褂), a traditional two-piece Chinese wedding gown, consisting of a jacket (Kwa) and a long skirt (Qun) often adorned with intricate embroidery and symbolic motifs like dragons and phoenixes, representing good fortune and marital joy. Other brides will wear more fitted Chinese dresses, Qipao/Cheongsam – Qipao (旗袍) in Mandarin and Cheongsam (長衫) in Cantonese.

Grooms will wear a Tang suit with some bespoke and personalized auspicious symbols, and the mother of the bride and/or mother of the groom will wear a Qipao. With an array of elegant, traditional Chinese dresses for mothers available, they will typically choose gowns in subtle colors with traditional symbols.

What should wedding guests wear to a Chinese wedding?

While it's really up to the couple, typically guests will wear Qipao or something related to our culture. Color wise, choose something that's not red, white, or black. 

How can couples modernize their traditional Chinese wedding?

When it comes to honoring your Chinese culture at a multicultural wedding, look to the wedding fashion and incorporate some small changes to modernize your traditional wedding attire:

1. Use modern fabric, like silk charmeuse, silk crepe, or Japanese silk.

2. Use personalization on your Cheongsam dress (for the bride) and Tang suit (for the groom) to represent your personal family story and/or combine Eastern and Western culture.

3. Instead of going for classic Qipao style, try a modern mermaid dress or evening gown styles – but add some Qipao influence, like a mandarin collar, frog button details, and some floral hand embroidery, instead of the more-traditional dragon and phoenix designs. 

4. Try to use silk colors that are not traditional like red, but more daily colors that you can style for other future events. Ensure your wedding attire becomes an heirloom piece instead of a one-time dress.

Chinese Wedding Traditions

Whether you’ll be attending a Chinese wedding or you’re curious about the customs involved in traditional Chinese weddings, take a look at these descriptions of the six main Chinese wedding customs from the experts at JINZA.

1. The Betrothal / Guo Da Li (过大礼)

The Betrothal / Guo Da Li (过大礼) is a cherished Chinese wedding custom where the groom and his family deliver a red packet containing the “Pin Jin” (聘金), also known as the betrothal gift money, along with a list of items to the bride's family.

Two or three weeks before the actual wedding day on an auspicious date, this ceremony is held. Upon receiving the items listed below and the Pin Jin, the bride and the bride's family will return a portion – typically half – to signify their willingness to “share the joy” and to also acknowledge the generosity of the groom's family.

Before sharing the list of items, we should note that the required items can vary between each dialect group – and sometimes may even vary within a specific dialect group. We encourage the couple to discuss and confirm the items and traditional customs with their specific families to ensure everything is in accordance with their familial traditions.

List of Items
• 2 pairs of dragon & phoenix wax candles
• 12 mandarin oranges with “shuang xi” (囍) stickers to be placed on the traditional wedding tray
• 2 packets of mixed beans (five different varieties) including red, green, soy, black, and white beans
• 2 packets of rock sugar
• 2 packets of the 4 treasures (四京果), i.e. red dates, lily buds, dried longans, and lotus seeds
• 2 pieces of charcoal
• 2 packets of candied winter melon slices
• 2 pairs of Hong Cai to be hung over the door frames at the homes of the bride and the groom respectively

Significance
• Dragon & Phoenix Candles: Good fortune (龙凤呈祥)
• Mandarin Oranges: Luck (大吉大利)
• Mixed Beans: Abundance (五谷丰登)
• Rock Sugar: Eternal bliss and sweetness (甜甜蜜蜜)
• 4 Treasures: Luck, eternal bliss, fertility (鸿运当头, 百年好合, 早生贵子, 连连生子)
• Charcoal: Prosperity (兴旺发达)
• Candied Winter Melon Slices: Eternal bliss and sweetness (甜甜蜜蜜)

Other Complementary Items
• Jewelry is commonly given to the bride by the groom’s family
• 2 bottles of wine/hard liquor to be given to the bride’s father
• Pastries to be shared among the bride’s family (type dependent on dialect group)
• Gift basket (design dependent on dialect group)

See below for gifting options:

Gift Basket Idea #1:

• Dragon and Phoenix Wedding Pastries Set
• Dried Sugar Oranges
• Coconut Candies / 1 Pair of Coconuts
• Seafood Products (e.g., abalone, black moss, seaweed, fish)
• Roasted Pig
• Normal Gift Basket (no requirement as to color)

Gift Basket Idea #2:

• Peanut Candy
• Rice Biscuits
• Sesame Biscuits
• 6/8/12 Cans of Pig Trotters
• Black and Red Color Gift Basket

Gift Basket Idea #3:

• Dried Sugar Oranges
• Sesame Crisps
• Peanut Crisps
• Tau Sar Piah
• Granny’s Cake (老妈糕) for bride’s grandmothers
• 4 Piece Gold Jewelry (四点金) including necklace, bracelet, earrings, and ring
• Teochew Styled Wax Candles
• 6/8/12 Cans of Pig Trotters
• Weaved Straw Gift Basket

2. The Reciprocity (回礼)

The Reciprocity (回礼) tradition involves the dowry (嫁妆) items prepared and sent by the family of the bride to the family of the groom.

While some of these items will be used during the actual wedding day or tea ceremony, others are items that can be used by the family on a daily basis. For these pieces, we encourage the couple to invest in better quality items with more modern designs to prevent waste.

List of Items

• Tea Set for the Wedding Ceremony (to be used during the Tea Ceremony)
• Two Wedding Bowls with Matching Spoons and Chopsticks featuring Dragon and Phoenix designs (for use during the Tea Ceremony)
• Bridal Bedroom Set (for use during the Bed Setting ceremony)
• Prosperity Lamps (to be kept lit throughout the wedding night, symbolizing ongoing prosperity and good fortune)
• Sewing Kit (representing the bride’s virtues and her readiness to become a wife and mother 贤妻良母)
• Towels and Slippers/Wooden Clogs (symbolizing lifelong harmony and continuous advancement 白头偕老，步步高升)
• Descendant Set of Five (signifying fertility and a multitude of descendants 儿孙满堂)
• Two Bottles of Orange Juice (representing luck and good fortune 大吉大利)
• Descendant Ruler (indicating an abundance of descendants)
• Red Envelope for the Groom
• Prosperity Cake (Huat Kuey 发糕) (symbolizing prosperity)

3. The Bed Setting (安床)

The Bed Setting (安床) is performed by a person of good fortune (好命人), usually a senior family member (e.g., parents, grandparents), on the night before the wedding or the morning of the wedding day to prepare the marriage bed. This tradition, carried out by these individuals, bestows good luck upon the couple and their future generations.

Step 1: The bed setter arranges the wedding sheets, linens, and pillowcases.

Step 2: The bed setter will place Chinese unity coins at the four corners of the bed as well as under the pillows while reciting auspicious phrases.

Step 3: The bed setter places a wedding tray with the following items on the bed:
• A packet (each) of red dates, peanuts, longans, lotus seeds, and sweets
• Two packets of mixed beans (five different varieties) including red, green, soy, black, and white beans
• Two mandarin oranges
• Descendants’ ruler
• Miniature money bucket
• Red packet for Bed Setting

After the bed setting, the bed should remain untouched until the bride is "accepted" by the family. For convenience, it is recommended that the Bed Setting be done on the wedding day itself, so the bed can still be used by the groom the night before.

Once the bride is accepted into the family (过门), a young child should be asked to roll and jump on the bed to bless the newlyweds with fertility.

4. The Hair Combing (梳头）

The Hair Combing (梳头) ritual is performed the night before the wedding day, around 11 PM, in the respective homes of the bride and groom, focusing on the bride's hair as a symbol of her transition to married life. The hair combing should ideally take place in a room where the moon is visible through the window. According to tradition, this allows the god of marriage (月老) to witness the ceremony and bless the couple. The parents will comb the bride’s/groom’s hair and recite the following three phrases with each stroke:

1. 一梳梳到底 (One combing for lasting unity)

At the end of the ceremony, a piece of red string should be tied in the bride’s hair, while another piece should be kept in the groom’s pocket.

The groom will typically perform the hair combing ritual 15 minutes to one hour.

 5. The Escort (迎亲）

Both the bride and groom’s families should light the dragon and phoenix candles simultaneously before the groom departs to fetch his bride for The Escort (迎亲). The groom should prepare at least three red packets to be given to the following individuals:

• The young boy tasked with opening the wedding car door upon the groom’s arrival at the bride’s home
• The bridesmaids to ensure smooth passage through the gatecrash
• The bride’s mother to express his gratitude for raising the bride well

After completing the gatecrashing segment mentioned above (if applicable), the groom will use a traditional weighing rod (秤杆) to lift the bride’s veil (盖头), symbolizing that all wishes will come true (称心如意). Afterwards, the couple and their entourage will proceed to the groom’s house for the tea ceremony.

The bride should be sheltered under a red umbrella while walking to the wedding car in open areas as a custom. This is intended to protect the bride from any negativity she might encounter, and the umbrella is typically held by the bride’s father, a male elder, or the groom.

The bride should bring two Chinese fans: one elaborate and one plain option. The elaborate fan, which will stay with the bride, represents the bride’s good qualities, while the plain fan, which will be left behind after entering the wedding car, symbolizes her imperfections.

This custom signifies the bride’s intent to bring her good qualities to her new family, while her own family remains willing to accept her flaws. 

6. The Tea Ceremony: Arrival at The Groom's Residence (婚礼）

Upon the couple’s arrival at the groom’s home, they should keep their shoes on throughout the process to ensure lasting wealth and prosperity, while the groom's relatives remain out of sight in other rooms, waiting for the Tea Ceremony to commence. Couples will first proceed to their matrimonial room, while members of the groom’s family stay in other rooms and remain out of sight, waiting patiently for the tea ceremony to commence.

In their room, the couple will take turns feeding each other glutinous rice balls and drinking longan and red date tea, symbolizing a perfect and complete marriage (圆圆满满). Afterward, a young boy will be invited to roll and jump on the couple’s bed, symbolizing a future filled with children.

Next, the tea ceremony will begin. The couple serves tea to the groom’s family and then receives their blessings. The couple will then receive gifts and red packets from senior relatives and give red packets to younger relatives. The customary sequence for the tea ceremony is as follows:

• Serve tea to the groom’s parents
• Serve tea to the groom’s paternal grandparents
• Serve tea to the groom’s maternal grandparents
• Serve tea to the groom’s paternal relatives according to seniority
• Serve tea to the groom’s maternal relatives according to seniority
• Receive tea from younger siblings and cousins

Traditionally, the custom of serving and receiving tea with the bride’s family occurs three days after the wedding. However, for convenience, it is now often done on the wedding day itself, usually before the wedding banquet.

These pre-wedding traditions are an integral part of Chinese weddings, setting the stage for the wedding day and ensuring that the couple begins their married life with blessings and good fortune. For more details about Chinese weddings, find out how to honor your Chinese heritage with a modern multicultural wedding with even more tips from JINZA!