Wedding & Engagement Etiquette for Parents of the Bride and Groom

Nowadays, it really doesn’t matter who makes the call announcing engagement and congratulating the in laws, but it’s a good idea for the parents of the bride to wait a few days to give the groom’s family the opportunity to honor tradition since they may want to do so. However, if they don't reach out, then the bride’s mother should go ahead and call. If the mothers aren’t living or a part of couple’s lives, then a father or a step-mother would make the call to the respective people instead.

The important thing is that contact be made before any engagement parties, and that parents act with spontaneity and in the spirit of friendship, regardless of who calls whom first. If no one is taking initiative, then the bride and groom should take the reigns and make plans for everyone to meet and celebrate the news. In fact, as couples are generally more independent when marrying these days, it wouldn’t be unusual for them to arrange a first meeting – usually a dinner – between the two families. Again, it’s more important that the families are introduced and welcome one another than to stand on protocol.

Today, finances can be divided however best suits the couple and their parents. It’s best to talk about who can or would like to contribute what before wedding planning truly begins. Any conversation about money should be respectful and candid – and given with notice. Even though many families are willing to share the cost of a wedding, it should never be assumed that they are expected to do so.

When parents are willing to contribute, the bride and groom should consider the range of possibilities ahead of time and be sure they agree on what they would prefer before they sit down with their parents to discuss the costs related while wedding planning. If the couple wants financial help, they need to be willing to compromise on some of their wishes and the guest list, and if family members offer help, they need to remember that in the end, it’s the couple’s day, and they can’t hold the couple hostage with their checkbook.

Parents of both the bride and the groom (especially fathers, though by no means excluding mothers) should plan whether they will make a wedding toast, and agree in advance on when and in what order. Finally, make sure they enjoy themselves! The stress and expense of planning can distract from the joy of the big day, so encourage them to take a deep breath, have a sip of Champagne, a bite of cake, and hit that dance floor! They’ve earned it!