How to Be Involved in Wedding Planning as the Groom

It's not just about showing up on time in a tux anymore.

Even if both the bride and groom want to plan the wedding together, without clear communication this might not be obvious.

By Emily Lasnier

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Photo: KT Merry Photography

Traditionally, many people view wedding planning as the bride’s duty – after all, most wedding resources refer to the nuptials as her day. That said, it is 2018 and many gender roles are starting to fall by the wayside. The groom simply having to show up on time in a tuxedo seemed reasonable back when the bride’s family paid for the nuptials, but nowadays his family will often contribute, or the couple will even pay for the wedding themselves. Not to mention that same-sex weddings mean gender norms can't be the only way to decide who takes the lead for the big day. All of these factors lead to an increase of both parties wanting to be involved in the planning process.

Groom embroidered bow tie wedding ideas

Photo by Maya Myers Photography

Even if both the bride and groom want to plan the wedding together, without clear communication this might not be obvious. Society conditions grooms to think their opinion on their nuptials doesn’t matter, so your fiancé may think “I don’t care” is actually the answer you want to hear, instead of a frustrating and repetitive response. So first things first: Brides, make sure your beloved knows you truly want his help and opinions. Grooms, let your sweetheart know that you do want to be involved in the process. From there, just take a look at the below tips!

- Start off by each presenting a (short!) list of non-negotiables, both must-haves and deal breakers. Hopefully these won't contradict each other, but if they do, you'll know what you need to figure out first.
- A way to make sure you're both involved in the planning is for each person to have tasks. Research those tasks until you have a list narrowed down to a few choices. Then the other person can pick from those options (or you can pick together).
- This applies to anyone, but the task a person is best suited for in wedding planning depends on their skills. You know your groom. If he's really into music, have him pick the band or DJ, and if he's into web design, he can create your wedding website.
- However, this does mean the groom only gets to work on the aspects he's interested in while the bride has to work on "boring" stuff. You can still lean on strengths and weaknesses though. If you hate the phone, surely your fiancé would be happy to lessen your anxiety by making the initial calls to vendors.
- Let him pick out his own outfit. You chose your dress, right?
- If you are an intercultural couple, lean on him to find ways to bring his culture into your nuptials.
- Meet with vendors together as long as your schedules allow it. Not only will he feel included, but it will help the vendors remember that it's his day too.
- You both definitely must be involved in the guest list, venue, and the date.
- Traditionally, the groom plans the honeymoon. Granted, this is leftover from the days of the bride's family covering the wedding, which may not be the case for your nuptials. But if your fiancé is frustrated by his own cluelessness about centerpieces, the honeymoon is an important task that he’s likely to be pretty interested in.

Read the advice real grooms have for grooms-to-be and discover these tips from a groom who was heavily involved in planning. Find style inspiration for the groom and groomsmen in our photo galleries, and be sure to follow Inside Weddings on Pinterest for more wedding ideas.

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