How to Deal with an Unresponsive Bridesmaid

Sometimes you really do need an answer.

Whether you rushed the choice or thought it through, there can still be instances where the ladies standing by your side might not be the most helpful leading up to the big day. Find out what to do if this happens.

By Emily Lasnier

bridesmaids
Photo: Images by Berit, Inc.

Sometimes brides take a few months to carefully decide who of their nearest and dearest should be bridesmaids. Others pop the question to their closest ladies at the same time they share the engagement news, having had the bridal party picked out before the future spouse. However, whether you rushed the choice or thought it through, there can still be instances where the ladies standing by your side might not be the most helpful leading up to the big day. We don’t mean something like not being willing to give up their weekends for three months to help with wedding crafts – that shouldn’t be a requirement – but if communication has gone silent and you’re trying to make sure everyone’s ordered their dress or your maid of honor wants to confirm a date for the bridal shower, it can be tough to handle. 

The first thing you should do if you’re not hearing back from one of your bridesmaids is to see if you can figure out the underlying issue. Was she enthusiastic when you asked her to be part of your wedding and then suddenly went cold? Could the financial or time commitment is bigger than she initially thought? Does she respond to non-wedding-related attempts at contact? Perhaps more importantly, do you ever talk to her about anything besides your upcoming nuptials? Analyze the situation to try and see things from her side. It could be that you (or the maid of honor) are asking too much, or she doesn’t think you’re appreciating her friendship outside of the wedding. Of course, the issue could also simply be that she’s busy or has more important things going on with her life or family. If this bridesmaid was flaky or unresponsive before you asked her to join the bridal party, it’s unlikely that her habits will change. 

what to do if your bridesmaid isn't responding to you, dealing with unresponsive bridesmaids

Photo by Samuel Lippke Studios

Depending on the situation, it will make sense to back off or offer a shoulder to lean on. However, if you desperately need an RSVP to an event or confirmation that she has ordered her dress, you’ll need her to respond. Nobody wants to be a nag, but you may have to try different methods of communication to make sure she gets the message. Be very clear – and not passive aggressive – if you text or email. Deadlines or requests for a simple yes or no answer might help if she just has other things on her mind. If that’s still not enough, you may have to see if she would prefer to step down and attend your wedding as a guest. 

For more advice, learn how to show appreciation for your bridesmaids and how to get them to bond. 

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