What to Do When You and Your Friend Are Both Engaged

It's not a competition!

Getting engaged is exciting. Your friend getting engaged is exciting too! But sometimes when those events happen within a few months of each other, it can lead to some tricky dynamics.

By Emily Lasnier

bride-in-lace-vera-wang-bridesmaids-in-white-lela-rose-dresses
Photo: Karlisch Photography

Getting engaged is exciting. Your friend getting engaged is exciting too! But sometimes when those events happen within a few months of each other, it can lead to some tricky dynamics. Just look at the movie Bride Wars! In a perfect world, you and your gal pal would be on complete equal footing with perfectly complementary timelines without any overlap or tension. After all, you each have a built-in buddy with whom to talk and vent about wedding planning, aside from your respective future spouses. However, sometimes actions and words and be misconstrued and lead to unfortunate misunderstandings. Here is some advice to help make your shared engagement a happy time, rather than potentially ruining a friendship during what’s meant to be a joyful period. 

bride in ornate wedding dress with rose pickups in the middle of bridesmaids in strapless white dresses

Photo by Aaron Delesie Photography; Planning & Design by Mindy Weiss Party Consultants

- Don’t assume the worst. It’s unlikely you and your friend will have the exact same vision for your weddings. If she has an intimate ceremony, that doesn’t mean she thinks your large guest list is tacky. One couple’s shorter engagement doesn’t mean their love is stronger than a pair that gives themselves more time to plan. If your friend got engaged later than you did, but is having an earlier wedding date, it is incredibly unlikely that this is out of spite. You’re both on your own path.

- Avoid getting competitive. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. Your budgets may not match, and even if they do, that doesn’t mean you should be trying to one-up each other. Your nuptials are about your love, not proving you have the best taste in your social group. 

- Be conscientious with plans. This is especially true if you have overlapping social circles, but even for the sake of each other, it is a kind gesture to check in when possible for events like bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and more to make sure you can both attend each other’s celebrations. 

- Be each other’s resources. If you are tying the knot in the same city, you can compare notes on vendors without ending up with carbon copy wedding days. 

If you're already married, find out what to do when your best friend gets engaged, or for the other end of the spectrum – learn what to do if your bridesmaid is going through a breakup. 

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